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What You didn’t Know About The Marriage Vow
Did you really know what you were saying when you responded with “I DO’?
The Traditional Marriage Vow
‘I, (name), take you, (name)
to be my wife/husband,
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,
according to God’s holy law.
In the presence of God I make this vow.’
I can never forget saying these words out loud over 4 years ago in front of my family and friends at The Gallery Apartments Rooftop in Accra, Ghana. I remember telling myself to be intentional and to stay in the moment but in the Spirit of transparency, I was so in awe of how beautiful everything looked that I just kept looking at my hubby and feeling joyful, peaceful and content. My wedding day was going just the way I wanted it and I couldn’t be happier. For a moment it felt like this could last forever but we all know how that goes….
When I googled the marriage vow, I noticed that most people referred to it as the wedding vow which I found interesting because it almost suggests that after the wedding we throw the vows out the window and just live life the way we know how. This actually inspired my decision to include it as a topic for discussion in my Pre-Marital Counselling Program. I mean think about it, who is really thinking about what “for worse” will look like in marriage? I don’t know about you but whenever people write personal vows, the worst part of it seems like funny inconveniences that they can live with.
Food for thought
How many unmarried couples sit to talk about navigating a long term illness in their marriage? Who is talking about downsizing or living a simple lifestyle to manage financially difficult seasons while planning a wedding? For most people, we plan for the best outcome, a beautiful home, luxury cars, increasing income, happy children, family holidays and all the good stuff. Remember that lady who remixed her vow to “for richer, for richer”? She’s me. I’m joking or am I?
Book Recommendation
This book by Eric and Leslie Ludy was so helpful when it came to managing the surprises that showed up in my first few years of marriage. Some of the practical tools shared were useful in building a strong foundation that could support some unknown seasons in my marriage. Its especially great for singles preparing for marriage, engaged couples and newlyweds.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7
The Truth
There’s a truth about marriage that we often overlook and it is the fact that when we stand to exchange those beautiful vows even if it is as authentic as The Offbeat Bride, we do it with a level of ignorance. Knowing this is having peace. Let me explain.
When we say “I DO” to the good and the bad that life could come with, what we are really saying is, I choose to still love you even though we are going THROUGH this. How quickly do we often assume we know our spouses enough to have an expectation of what those unknown seasons could look like. The fact that most of us say “I do”, concluding we know everything there is to know about our significant other, is and if not careful a recipe for disaster.
Wisdom In The Unknown
When a couple gets divorced or separated, we often wonder how well they knew each other, almost to suggest they saw the red flags and ignored them. This is not always true.
While I agree that how well you know someone is an extremely important factor to consider when choosing a spouse, I also believe that making room for the unknown is wisdom. The truth is everyday as humans we discover ourselves, we learn how strong we are when we are able to power through some frightening moments, we realise how angry we can get when provoked and how organised we can become when we desire to balance life’s responsibilities. There’s a lot to learn about each other as we embark on life’s journey as couples and we have to as often as possible keep this reality in mind.
If during the dating season, your spouse never encountered financial difficulty, it means you never had the chance to know who they could be when faced with lack, so really there’s a part of who they are that you are yet to discover should you go through some tough financial seasons. There’s a lot about your spouse you will discover if they choose to become parents. There’s even more you will discover if they experience loss/grief. Marriage is an opportunity to learn about one another diligently.
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you from being a priest to me: Hosea 4:6
You see, It is not the absence of knowledge at the beginning of marriage that destroys the marriage but the unwillingness to learn, to study and to know your spouse that does. A lot of us find out unpleasant things about our spouse and are so hard on ourselves for missing it at the start of the relationship. Yes! There are things we may miss while dating because of the romance and “butterflies” and there’s also the potential to choose to ignore the red flag but there’s also a lot we just will never know because the opportunity never presented itself. This is where we have to be intentional about discovering the unknown, understanding the known and growing in the unknown.
“Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights.”
Proverbs 18:15 MSG
Do you think you manage the unexpected situations in your marriage well? Share your answer in the comments. I will be sharing tips next week that should help so stay tuned.
6 Responses
“Marriage is an opportunity to learn about one another more diligently” wow! Thanks for the gems shared in this piece Princess. Thought provoking!
Thank you Frempomaa, glad you found it helpful.
This is some deep stuff. Very insightful!
Thank you Olive, I am so glad you found it useful.